Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Major Announcement

Federal Government Bans Knitting in Public Buildings

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) -- Citing the rapid rise in the number of new knitters over the past 12 months, the United States Congress and Senate have both taken unprecedented measures in passing a bill banning knitting inside any public building, according to documents released Thursday.

Under the terms of the new law, knitters are required to take their knitting at least 10 yards from any public building. Although they are allowed to carry knitting inside, anybody caught engaging in the act of knitting may be subject to a $10,000 fine or 10 years imprisonment.

According to recent studies, the mere sight of a knitter actively knitting increases a person's odds of becoming a knitter by 200 percent. The dangers of second-hand knitting have long been a concern for Federal worker Irene Schlamp, who is happy to see the bill pass. "It's been a big problem in my department, where people often take four, five, or even six knitting breaks a day. Those of us who want to do our work can't because we're so distracted by the clacking of those damned needles."

But not everybody is happy about the news. "This is so unfair!" says Betty Schnoodle, a worker at a U.S. Postal Service processing plant in Louisiana. "Why should we be forced to huddle outside in the cold when we want to take a knitting break? We're not hurting anybody."

Human rights group AmKnitty International has already filed a suit claiming the new law is unconstitutional and violates the civil rights of knitters everywhere.

OK, OK, OK....so it's not exactly major news, or even factual for that matter. But it's 'slightly' possible knitters are discriminated against: Maybe in a bar~not the best place in the world to knit. Or maybe the 'Man Cave' where the wife/girlfriend isn't even allowed to enter in the first place...but why not; he invades your space every chance he gets with "Hey babe! Bring me a beer!" when you're right in the middle of counting stitches at a critical part of your knitting. You throw your hands up, say "yes dear", mumble something snotty under your breath and imagine him being impaled with knitting needles...through the lips! Well, not really - the impaled part. But it's fun to think about it!

So the next time I decide to knit in public, I'll post a sign on my forehead that says "Down with knit discrimination" and then watch the strange looks and the dumb questions fly! A girl's gotta have fun sometimes!

Have a knit pickin' good day ya'll!

P.S. My baby...the youngest of six is 23 today. Where does the time go? Happy Birthday Alexandra!!!!

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